Children learn empathy in their preschool years. They see another child crying and they hand the child a teddy bear. This is demonstrating empathy. It also demonstrates theory of mind. Theory of mind is the understanding that other people have different feelings and thoughts than you.

Children demonstrate empathy by bringing a toy or giving a hug to a crying child. They may see a parent who is upset and share their snack. Children model what they see. If they see the adults around them giving comfort when they are distressed they will repeat that empathy. If a child us told ” Stop crying, it is not that bad, you are fine,”. They are sent the message that feelings are an annoyance.

How can you model Empathy?

• validate your child’s feelings “I see that you are disappointed that we can’t go to the park. I feel sad about that too.”
• “You fell and skinned your knee. That hurts, doesn’t it. Let get that cleaned up.”
• “Mommy feels frustrated, I need to take some time to sit down.”

The crying child may have skinned his knee so a toy is not going to help. The child giving the toy is trying to comfort the other child the best they can. In a daycare setting you see empathy with children patting each other on the arm or giving hugs and kisses when another child is upset. When a baby cries in the infant room another baby may cry and look for a caregiver to help. They know the big people help when you cry.

There are many books that show people demonstrating understanding and empathy. Heidi has some book recommendations here.

There are many opportunities to talk about how others feel throughout the day. When you are running late you can say ” When I have to rush I feel overwhelmed. My feelings get too big. Do you feel like that?” “I miss grandma. I bet she misses us too. Let’s call her after dinner.”