I easily say “no” to things that interfere with my goals. Setting boundaries is something I like to start with. I may tell people only have 30 minutes for this task. Then I need to stick to that, or people will ask for more. I often ask people what they have tried first to encourage them to think for themselves. Another question that I might ask is, what is making it hard for you to complete this task?
I was a people pleaser as a kid and I just wanted people to like me. Teachers thought I was great because I was compliant, would work with any other student, would help clean up the classroom etc. The same at home, I took care of my room, the yard, the cat, did my own laundry, was not a behavior problem etc. Looking back, I realize that I was just trying to get people to like me. If people are going to like me they will, if they don’t like me it has nothing to do with what I do for them. A lot of time was wasted focusing on being liked rather than focusing on goals. I did well in school and had a few friends. I do think that if I had focused more on my confidence it would have benefitted me.
Don’t try to be friends with people who only want to be around you because of what you can do for them. It is better to be lonely than be with people who do not value you. That theme of not valuing others can rub off on you and you end up not really valuing yourself. We should be caring and helpful people. But if you are not receiving any caring or help back it is time to set a boundary. We train people how to treat up. If you continue to act like a door mat you will be used like one.
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