Improving behavior is usually top on the list of topics when kids come to therapy. But, how do we improve behavior? The adults may not realize they are the ones who need to make some changes first. To quote Ross Greene “Children do well if they can.” Children are not little adults, they are still learning to regulate their emotions. The need guidance and role models to help them with this process. When you are going to do a task you know a child has not been successful in the past, talk about what to expect. Don’t just sit back, let them fail and try to get them to stay quiet and calm about it.

For example, if your child has had a hard time going to the doctor, talk about what to expect. You can act out sitting in the waiting room, sitting on a high table, look in their ears, etc. Remind them that you will be with them the whole time. You understand that the doctor’s office can seem scary. Ask what is scary about it (usually shots). Sometimes it is the smell of the room, having people they don’t know touch them, if the room is cold, their fear of you leaving. You can act out giving shots to yourself and pinch yourself like a shot. The child can give themselves a shot and pinch themselves if they want to, so they are acting out the experience. Talk through the experience and how you are there to support them. Knowing their adult understands their feelings goes a long way to reduce anxiety. Reduced anxiety=improved behavior.

What about a skill they are learning like putting on their shoes. If they have had a hard time in the past, they may refuse to comply when you are on your way out the door. Ask yourself, what does my child struggle with and how can I help them through the struggle. Don’t avoid the struggle because they will not learn the task and they will not learn resilience. I liked the post “What are you bad at?”

How well do you do when you have a difficult task and someone is watching you while telling you to hurry up? Does this sound like your morning routine? If you know your child struggles in the morning, practice some of the tasks. Practice putting shoes on without having the “we are running late” stress. Have a set procedure to follow with pictures (snowpants, boots, coat, mittens last). Have them check to see that their coat, backpack, shoes etc. are ready by the door the evening before. Help your child help themselves. Reduced anxiety=improved behavior. Children do well if they can.